When Early Mornings Suck
by willwrite4fics
Summary: First entry to the Short Story Speed Writing Challenge. "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie" is a good bit of advice to anyone... on either side of the war.


"Let Sleeping Dogs Lie"

My first entry to the challenge! I'm uploading each entry as I get them edited. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Schultz bellowed in his usual manner. "Roll call! Raus… everyone, roll call!" His voice drew out the words. "Roll call! Newkirk, raus… Carter! Carter, roll call!" The sleepy grumbles answered him as most of the POWs managed to get up and throw on clothing to exit the barracks.

"We're going, we're going… don't be so loud..." Carter whined.

Schultz bent to shout into his bunk when he failed to get up. "I would not be so loud if you were already outside! Raus!" Schultz moved out of the way as Newkirk pushed between him and the bunk. "Roll call, outside. Newkirk, go outside."

"I'm just 'elping me mate, Carter… come on, 'ave a 'eart, Schultzy." Newkirk helped the thin American out of his bunk, patting him in an exaggerated way. "Poor Carter needs all 'is sleep, you know. 'E's quite delicate."

Schultz grunted with disinterest. "You will both be on report if you don't get outside for ROLL CALL!" He raised his voice with annoyance. "Come… everyone out."

Hogan came out of his office while yawning and stepped up to Schultz. Peering up at the big German, he blinked at him. "What's all the noise about, Schultz?"

"It is time for roll call, Colonel Hogan, you know that everyone is supposed to be outside for roll call. It is time for roll call every morning and every morning they all give me trouble. Please, Colonel Hogan! Tell them to be good boys and to do what I say." Schultz waved one hand to indicate the barracks full of men who had finally begun to amble out through the door.

"Well Schultz..." Hogan turned and slowly moved towards the door himself, leading Schultz along with him as he spoke. "Maybe if you would try coming in a bit later in the morning, we'd all be up and awake already. Then we would be ready to go out for roll call right away. Try coming about noon."

Schultz thought that over. "Well I could try that.. but.. wait! No! Roll call is always at the same time! You try to trick me! Colonel Hogan, that is not nice." He tcched somberly as Hogan tried to pull a repentant face over the scolding. "You should be nice to me."

LeBeau scoffed loudly as he stood on tiptoe to speak to the guard. "Why should any of us be nice to a dirty Bosche? Bah!"

Schultz pushed LeBeau out of the door easily, shooing him towards the ragged line of POWs. "LeBeau, stop calling me names. Newkirk! Stand in line! Donnerwetter! All of you get into line!" The fat guard went down the line behind the men, pushing everyone into place one by one. Carter winced as he got to him. "What is wrong with you, Carter?"

"Ow, my ears are still ringing, Schultz, don't shout so loud." Carter was holding his left elbow gingerly as well and he couldn't straighten up. "I want to go back to bed."

Now suspicious, Schultz moved around to look at him closer. "Why are you so sore? What have you been doing? You have been doing monkey business again, haven't you?" He straightened up to look down at the miserable sergeant. "Tell me what you were doing!"

Hogan stepped in both verbally and literally, giving Schultz a smug little smile. "He was just blowing up a bank vault, Schultz. But he stood too close. So you see, he's a bit tender."

"B-b-b-blowing up a bank?" Now feeling the first bits of panic, Schultz tried to think of a way that information wasn't 'bad'. "What bank?"

Hogan had gotten back into his place in line, subtly signaling the men to line up properly. "The bank that the Gestapo gold shipment was stored in, of course."

"Gestapo?" stuttered Schultz.

"Mmm hmm." Hogan nodded absently. "Of course, you'll want to report all of this right away." He stared ahead, ignoring Newkirk's attempts to hide his panic over Hogan just blabbering all of their activities. Newkirk was overly high-strung about things.

"Well… well…." Schultz's mind was working feverishly to think of how to handle all of this. "I have to report all of this, right away!" He shook a finger under Hogan's nose, which the officer ignored. "You will be in such trouble! You have gone too far!"

"Yes, in fact we went very very far… while we were supposed to be here, in fact." Hogan's lips quirked just slightly upwards. "Under your direct supervision as our barrack's guard. So when you make that report… to the Gestapo..." he rather enjoyed the paling of the guard's face at the mere mention of talking to the feared Gestapo. "...and make sure you explain how we were so far far away and you didn't notice or make a report… or oh, perhaps, stop us." He motioned lightly with one hand towards the kommandantur. "Go on. Go report all of it to Klink. We'll back up your story."

"Tell… tell Kommandant Klink? But he will be very upset with me." Schultz looked over as the office door slammed open and shut, Klink striding out with sharp thunks as his boots slammed onto the wooden boards of the porch. "He doesn't look like he is in a very good mood."

"No, he certainly doesn't." Hogan pursed his lips looking thoughtfully across the compound. "What do you think, Newkirk? Does Klink look like he's in the mood to send guards to the Russian Front to you?"

"Russian… Russian front?" stammered Schultz as he swallowed nervously.

Newkirk tilted his head to the side as he pretended to look Klink over. "He does look a bit like he's thinking of train schedules… maybe you should let sleeping dogs lie, Schultzy?" He tucked his hands deeper into his coat pockets and let himself shudder with cold. "I 'eard the other day that the Eastern Front is so cold that when you take a leak, it freezes 'alfway to the snow." He smiled over his shoulder at the guard. "Maybe you could write a postcard to us and tell us if that's true!"

"Report!" Klink's shout came across the compound. "Reporrrrt!"

Schultz moved up to in front of Hogan but before he could reply, he heard LeBeau scoffing at Newkirk. "Don't be ridiculous. Schultz won't be able to write postcards if both of his arms get shot off." The guard turned to stare with horror at the little Frenchman. "Maybe the nurse will write one for you."

Schultz began to stutter as he tried to turn back to give his report and was startled to find Klink had crossed the compound and was standing behind him with a look of complete annoyance. "I said REPORT, Schultz!"

"All present and accounted for, herr kommandant!" Schultz saluted sharply and didn't dare take a breath until the officer had stomped away to shout at poor Langenschiedt. He rolled his eyes upward for a second and then dismissed his rows of prisoners with relief.

Everyone filed back inside quickly. Carter was assisted back into his bunk by Newkirk while LeBeau retrieved the hot pack from the top of the stove to bring to him. "Here, Carter, this will help your bruise." He helped him place it on his left ribcage underneath his thick coat. "Is that better?"

"Yeah thanks." Carter sighed and tugged his blanket up. "Sir, I'm sure glad that Schultz didn't notice that Olsen isn't back yet. We never would have gotten him dug out of that tunnel collapse before roll call."

Newkirk smirked. "Old Schultzy didn't even count heads, much less notice anyone was missing." He went to lift the coffeepot but LeBeau intercepted it. "Oi, give over."

"I haven't made coffee yet. And besides, don't you need to go get Olsen? It's your fault that he's trapped in that tunnel end anyway." LeBeau turned his back on the annoyed Englishman. "You shouldn't have taken that bracing board loose."

"I didn't know it was a bracing board. I thought it was just in the way!" protested Newkirk.

"Regardless of that..." Hogan's voice overrode any further protest. "There's only room for one man to dig it out. Just be glad that only the one section fell in and Olsen wasn't buried alive. Get him out and get that section of tunnel cleaned up." He turned to head for his own office. "And next time don't pull boards out of the tunnel bracing."

Newkirk frowned as he tugged his coat off to put onto his bunk. "It's not bloody fair." Hogan's door closed firmly and Newkirk's voice rose slightly as he complained to the others. "Ruddy officers just putting all the work onto me, I've 'alf a mind to tell 'im what I think about it."

Kinch walked over to hold out his own coffeecup to LeBeau who happily filled it up. "Newkirk, we had a successful mission, Carter's mishap notwithstanding and Olsen wasn't injured, but if you really think that going in there to tell the Colonel off right now is a good idea, well, I have only one bit of advice for you."

Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, the Cockney finally asked. "Well, what?"

Kinch smiled at him calmly. "I'd say you should just let sleeping dogs lie."

* * *

End

So maybe there's a little bit of harm to the guys, but not too much.


End file.
